Beloved Valentine

This week has been a lonely one for me, having Cliff home for only 5 days after 28 away and no work to occupy my time. Laying awake last night I determined not to let myself be dragged down that road of crushing despair and picked up my Kindle reading the Passion Translation well into the night. I needed to know that my Beloved, Jesus, was enough to fill all the places in my empty heart. I am blessed that my husband is merely working away. I know many have lost partners or are yet to find a soul mate. Yet, no matter what your relationship status is Single, Married or It's complicated; there is a deep place that no person can fill even if they are with you 24/7 and perfect! 

God meant it to be that way. It is His place. He remains the jealous lover of our souls, even when we are married.

It took me a long sleepless night to remember this. So as I sat in my little caravan today, I determined I had to find my way back to that intimacy with Jesus, where he would fill every empty place with the water that quenches every thirst of my heart.(Easier said than done when you are in that 'feeling far off' state.) After an hour and half praying in the Spirit while I finished my husband's crocheted blanket, I finally felt that familiar whisper in my ear. Not sweet nothings, but gentle promptings and revelations about my situation. 

My beloved reminded me that I need to draw near to Him, and then the way is opened up for Him to be able to draw near to me. I cannot speak for men, but I do know that as a wife I need to soften my heart towards my husband and allow myself to be wooed at times. I cannot expect to be close to my Jesus when I have a hard heart, and it happens so easily. You cannot break anyone else's heart without causing injury to your own, be it friends or enemies, so confession was a good place to begin. I could feel His love flowing into the cracks and dry places. 

I remembered Valentine's Day 2012... and the amazing gift that He gave me on that day. Working as a school cleaner, and feeling a mite disgruntled with my husband's lack of Valentine's Day enthusiasm...(Sorry Dear!), a fellow worker was presented with a box of chocolates and a glorious bunch of red roses accented by dainty white Baby's Breath (the Wedding flower of many). Stabs of jealousy hit my heart, and I was glad to leave the communal room where they were on display and go off to my menial tasks. However it just so happened that her husband was a teacher in my area, and she sent the flowers up to his room so he could take them home for her. Left to look at the gift that mirrored the flaw in my heart, I went to the far end of the building where the Holy Spirit gave me my gift. He simply brought to mind two incidents in my life... One where I was publicly humiliated and one where I was publicly honoured; both were in Church settings with about 1,000 people present. As He drew my attention to the parallels in many ways, He showed me that He arranged the honouring to make up for the humiliation. I would never have realised on my own as they were over 15 years apart. My Beloved cares for every wound in my heart, and wants me to be whole so I can receive His love in greater measure. If I look at others lives it gives me a false reflection, and even if I look at myself in what I would term 'all honesty' it is not a pretty sight. When Jesus looks at me through eyes of love and I turn my eyes on Him, then I can see myself like a bride. I just discovered this song by Casting Crowns this week and it describes it beautifully... WEDDING DAY

If you are in any way like me this Valentine's Day and feeling the very real pain of loneliness, I encourage you to soften your heart towards Jesus and let Him fill the emptiness. This is not merely a platitude, but a very real solution to the pain. I know, I applied it today and the balm of His presence once again has healed my soul and softened my heart.

Is your stream pleasant?

Over the past few months I have been without running water in my small caravan. There is a tap right outside and I have a large bottle which I fill and then bring inside to meet my needs... A cup of coffee, washing the dishes and even on occasion... washing me! Never has my attention been so focused on the importance of water in our daily lives. I am grateful that I do not have to walk long distances, with buckets or jars to fill at a well, but the #secondworldproblem of no plumbed water is still enough of an inconvenience to make me think of how great I had it when all I had to do was turn on a tap!
Water is essential to the human existence, both physically and spiritually. We cannot last more than a few days without it. Our bodies are made up of approximately 60% water. It keeps us healthy and alert, and can even assist in keeping our weight under control. These are things we all know! So why do we insist on skimping on Spiritual water? The Bible tells us it is FREE for anyone who is thirsty, which means all of us given that our spiritual needs are mirrored by our physical ones.

Isaiah 55:1 

"Is anyone thirsty? Come and drink--even if you have no money! 

Come, take your choice of wine or milk--it's all free!"

Last year I received a prophetic word for a friend in Afrikaans. I do NOT speak the language and had no idea what it was about. Feeling a wee bit foolish, I passed the message on verbatim and trusted that it actually meant something to him. (God does make us do embarrassing things sometimes!) Turns out that it did, and the Title of this blog was the translation. "Is your stream pleasant?" I knew straight away that the question was referring to the source of our water supply, the Holy Spirit. We can try to fill up on the world's artificially sweetened offerings, and we can have our bottle filled once a week at Church on Sunday. (A better choice, but still not what the Spirit was saying.) The woman at the well, whose life showed clear indication of a thirst unmet (5 husbands/boyfriends and still lacking), was making the arduous trip out to the village well to meet her physical needs when Jesus met her there and offered water that truly quenches. He explained that it would become an internal well!

John 4:14
"But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again.

 It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life."

That is where I think we fall short, so often forgetting to simply 'turn on the tap', and I am as guilty as the next person. When we receive the gift of praying in tongues, it is a flowing well that hydrates us and cleans out our spiritual pipes... IF we let it flow. My little caravan sink gets so clogged up with muck when I just pour a bit of water from the bottle as opposed to having the tap run freely. Not a pretty sight, believe me! So many people who have not come through in the gift of tongues are beginning to advocate that it is not for all, and the idea of 'waiting on God' or "tarrying for the Spirit" is so unpopular in this politically correct environment. I've had the discussion with many learned and genuine people... yet I cannot shake this revelation of the tap versus the bottle. I simply accept that the fountain is free for all, and that it is also under no water restrictions. I am happy to let the tap run often and see the life and growth that it brings about me. When I neglect praying in tongues, I dry up, period. 

Revelation 21:6

And he also said, 

"It is finished! I am the Alpha and the Omega--the Beginning and the End. 

To all who are thirsty I will give freely from the springs of the water of life."

If you have already received the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in tongues ... use it! Turn on the tap, often and let it flow out freely. If not, don't give up... tarry, press in, get desperately thirsty, and don't swallow the lie that is is not for everyone!!!

It all takes time to be perfect...

Some things are definitely worth waiting for... my most memorable being my babies! To be a Mum was at the top of my list right from my early marriage at the tender age of 16. Now I laugh at my impatience, surprised that it would take a WHOLE 3 MONTHS to become pregnant the first time (I obviously need patience lessons desperately). Then I began the process of waiting... picturing a little unknown face, choosing names, content in that secret delight that cocoons an EXPECTANT Mum. I do love that analogy... Expectant.. A person who anticipates receiving something. I didn't even mind the morning sickness (well not that much) if it meant the chance to participate in God's miracle of creation of new life. Then sadly at 17 weeks we had to forgo that privilege, and to further my angst we were instructed to wait another 6 months before trying again! I was not patient... I had a hole in my heart that needed filling. By God's grace we were soon awaiting yet another small miracle. When Melinda was born and I held her tiny little form for the first time, my wait (and weight gain) was definitely worth it! Mother's understand that waiting with purpose is not wasted time. We have time to prepare a room, organise the essentials, and our desire is that our precious promise is FULLY FORMED. 
So don't let me rush your purposes God. My eager expectation cannot hurry Your perfect timeline. May I wisely use this time to be fully prepared.

James 1:4 

Patience and perseverance must finish it's work 

so that you may be mature and complete, 

not lacking anything.

Hatching a plan...

With my WEIGHT being an issue again, I have been walking very early. The opportunity to see the sunrise, walk through the bushwalks, and WAIT on the Lord is something I treasure.
Today I decided to take pick a pink lotus from the black pond, a momento of my walk today. I tucked it into my backpack to keep it safe until I could put it on display. A perfect bloom for a perfect day!
I have often stated that 'disappointment' is my middle name. An observation borne out of the fact that even though I honestly believe in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." ... it does feel like my idea of the PLAN is often thwarted.
On my arrival home, I retrieved the Lily from its protective pouch to find it had begun to open. It was only just after sunrise that I had picked it, and it was still sleeping with its petals closed. Eagerly I gathered the yawning flower to place it in a small pink bowl, which looked as if it was made to hold the Lily. I glanced into its golden eye ... A BIG BROWN GRUB was staring up at me!

Argh!!! It had not only chewed some of the sun-ray like stamens, it had also left several large caterpillar droppings. This is not what I had anticipated. In fact it was a huge disappointment!
As I removed the unwelcome visitor and tipped my potential centre-piece upside down to dispose of the 'gifts' left behind, an uncomfortable thought began to form in my head. What if I had allowed the caterpillar to continue eating, and eventually chrysallize? I do love butterflies, and this was one 'in the making'. I had discarded it in my wish to have some instant beauty; besides the process of growing a butterfly generates a fair amount of 'nastiness'. (If you get my drift.)
Romans 8:28 says "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."
Even chewed plans, even unwelcome situations, even life's messiness...

You see I have struggled praising in disappointment, and continuing to believe that God's plan for me could possibly include some of the caterpillar moments, not to mention the all associated mess.

I am growing in this area, and this was yet another object lesson placed in my way by my Father, who is described as the "Father of lights in whom there is no shadow of turning" in James 1:17.

Actually I had a fresh revelation about this verse only this morning, while waiting on God for a Birthday message to send to a friend who needed some encouragement. God's gifts are perfect, even though the unwrapping of them is sometimes confusing to us... and He never changes his perfect intentions toward us!

"Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights,

          with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow."                

I haven't added to this blog since I began in last year, so many times I have waited seemingly in vain... but at the end of this year my resolve to wait is stronger. I have seen the benefits, I can see how far I've come and how much I've grown. Next year promises to bring on a whole new set of challenges. So bring on the butterflies disguised as caterpillars!!! I cannot wait.. to wait!

God is hatching a plan...

                                                                      Jeremiah 29 : 11                                                         

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD,

"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,  

                            plans to give you hope and a future.                             

Gaining wait...

With so many people including "Weight loss" in their New Year's Resolutions it may come as a surprise that I have decided, I have resolved to opt for WAIT GAIN! Not that I my body couldn't shed a few pounds, but my Spirit takes precedence this time...and I am talking about the need to wait upon the Lord! Those words in purple are from a Brooke Fraser song that has been echoing in my head since just before New Year.
So what is there to gain in waiting? Seems like a waste of time if what you are in line for is already available - Yet tarrying, waiting appears to be God's way so it must be for my benefit! So even if it takes ALL YEAR (and beyond) I am going to look into the benefits and try to achieve the best WAIT GAIN that I can.

Waiting is not just an inactivity either...it is actively being ready, hopeful, looking to Jesus expectantly, stretching your Faith, and even serving Him. An amusing thought crossed my mind as I was pondering on this today ... "Twiddling your thumbs is NOT a Spiritual exercise!" Neither is straining at the bit. Passivity and Impatience both are counterproductive to 'waiting'. It actually takes determination and effort to wait, especially if I want to gain all the growth I can in the process. So here I go... this year is a year of WAITING!!!

Brooke Fraser's "you'll come"

 I have decided I have resolved     

   To wait upon you Lord

My rock and redeemer, shield and reward

I'll wait upon you Lord

As surely as the sun will rise

You'll come to us

As certain as the dawn appears

You'll come...let your Glory fall

as you respond to us

Spirit rain, flood into our thirsty souls again

You'll come

We are not shaken, we are not moved

we wait upon you Lord

Mighty deliverer, triumph and truth

we wait upon you Lord

As surely as the sun will rise you'll come to us

Certain as your word endures

Chains be broken

Lives be healed

Eyes be opened

Christ is revealed